Welcome to the diary of dating disorderly conduct of Lily (that’s me) and Mars (that’s men – as in “Boys are from Mars; Girls are from Venus. I have a yum yum, and you have a pe...”) You get the idea. It's all the stories I've told at Ladies Night, or around the watercooler the next morning, where gracious and eager listeners have said laughing through tears, "You really need to put these into a book." This will have to serve as the book, because just like dating, I have a short attention span and even less patience these days.
Here, I’ll give you the down and dirty dish, musings, gripes, and lessons learned through almost 20 years of online dating experiences. I don’t mind telling you how long I’ve been at this because it’s given me an interesting perspective of having watched online dating grow from the dark corners of internet chat rooms into the five-billion-dollar industry it is today. Where it used to be something you reluctantly admitted to, it’s now commonplace, and I hear it frequently, “It’s just the only way you can meet people nowadays.”
It's very likely that you know someone that has met their significant other online. But the struggle to get there is REAL. Anyone who tells me they’ve had nothing but lovely experiences on a dating apps and met their person immediately is a liar pants on fire, or is on a very niche dating app for people that collect rocks while knitting and cultivate their own Matcha tea. Do not come for me if that’s a real thing. Happy for you, truly. But this is for the messy, the fuck around and find outers, the people that sometimes say the wrong thing, or show up late, but who keep showing up.
· This is for entertainment purposes only. Horrible stage fright keeps me from doing stand-up comedy. Plus, I don’t have to see your disappointed faces if my jokes don't land.
· The stories I tell are absolutely true, from my own experiences unless otherwise stated, and my own perspective. I may take small liberties for effect, and I have intentionally changed some details in an effort to protect the identity of others.
· This is Rated R. Peek through your fingers and clutch your pearls if you get upset by naughty words. There will be some fade-to-black sexy stuff. But no one has to know you’re here if you want to read in secret, you naughty minx.
· I’m not here to be a fluffy love coach, regurgitate beige advice, or help you find your happily ever after. If I happen to say something that resonates with you, cool. Some of my (mis)adventures are of the, “Don’t try this at home” nature. Use your head when reading them. Not that one. Well, maybe that one – just be smart about that too.
· This might not be a hundred percent politically correct. I try to be a good human, but I may not always get it right.
· This is not for republication or sharing without permission. All of my words, and the order I put them in, are my intellectual property. Don’t be a dick and steal them.
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